Russell Peters review

In a word - hilarious. Well worth the admission price. He started off a little slowly as he scoped out the audience and figured out who to pick on, but by the half hour mark he had us all rolling. Absolutely killer material, and a lot of it was new. He did reuse a substantial number of jokes from his New York act, but managed to rework them so that they still drew laughs. I never expected him to give us ninety minutes of completely new material (anyone who has seen Jerry Seinfeld's Comedian will appreciate how long it takes to formulate a solid one hour set), so I wasn't disappointed by the repeated jokes. That said, there was enough original material in there to warrant the ticket.

I had mentioned earlier that his reliance on racial humour was a drawback, and I still think it is, but he sure knows how to make the most of it. Spot-on impressions of the Filipino, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Italian, Jamaican, English and of course the Indian accent, and none of them offensive. Unlike other mimics, he manages to lend some authenticity to his impressions, especially with the Indian accent, which is far better than Hank Azaria's monstrosity. He was genuinely funny, as was his opening act, Yoshi, who I'd like to see more of in the future. Yoshi was perhaps too edgy for his own good, and his humour crossed the line a few too many times. That may be due to the short time frame he had, but he definitely has some good material, far better than the frankly overrated and offensive Daniel Nainan, who is exactly the sort of comedian the overseas Asian community does not need. He may have a few good jokes, but resorts far too often to low-brow jokes about curry, sushi, call centres and Gandhi, and let's be honest, we've all heard them on the playground growing up (except the ones about call centres, but I'm sure kids watch the news), and they were never funny. Worst of all, his 'Indian accent' is effectively Apu.

Right, Russell Peters. He was good. He'll be back in December. Don't miss it.

Religion explained

This is why we Hindus don't eat beef. It's just not worth the hassle. Link stolen from India Uncut.

Russell Peters

Russell Peters will open his New Zealand tour in a couple of hours, and I'm one of the lucky few to have a ticket to tonight's show. After having seen *that* video in 2004 and his act in New York City, it goes without saying that I'm expecting great things from him this evening (but I went ahead and said it anyway). For those of you who haven't already seen one of his acts (let's be honest here, perhaps wriggling out from under that rock should be top of your priorities then), he is an extremely talented stand-up comic who specialises in mimicry. Some of his impressions are absolutely spot-on. Unfortunately, the race-based schtick is also his biggest drawback, as he rarely seems to do any other form of comedy. Here's hoping that we see some new material tonight, and maybe even a few jokes that don't depend on people's races. I'll post a short review later tonight.

By the way, what's with that "I'm a comedian" pose? Do people not believe a guy is funny unless he pulls a funny face or shrugs his shoulders in the poster? That seems to be the criterion for comedic quality.

"Oh look, he's shrugging his shoulders - this guy's a quality comedian. I wonder if he'll be as good as the one with the rubber face."

Don't go by Russell's meek shoulder shrug. Trust me, he's funny.

And the award for original journalism goes to...

The Hindustan Times, for their insightful photo essay titled "Vulgarity in football?".

In a brilliant start to the slideshow, the first caption reads:

Is there anything like censor board in American football??

You have to love the punctuation. Not one, but two question marks, indicating the profound philosophical implications of this question. Impeccable grammar, too - the good folks at HT are reinventing the English language every day (or should I say "This people is changing Angrezi every day, yaar!"?). To top off the carnage, the World Cup slideshow begins with a picture of a rugby league (not the same as American football) game.

It doesn't improve, either. What follows is a bunch of photos from the last World Cup, which wouldn't be so bad if the captions weren't so god-awful. Judging by the writing, it seems that "Take Our Kids To Work Day" has been taken a little too seriously by this paper. So, in the spirit of the occasion, let me ask:

Is there anything like editors in Hindustan Times???

Three question marks, because mine is more important.

Once again, for HT's future reference:

American Football



Rugby League


Also see:anything written by ToI (my personal favourite is this gem)

The myth of water bottles

Amitava Kumar links to a story in the Economist about the need to learn from this event and push for some real changes. Here's an excerpt:

Rather than politicians who waste their time on the ‘moral threat’ of bar girls (imagine if Mr Patil had given a quarter of the time he spent on them to anticipating yesterday’s blasts), we need ones ready to focus on the real moral threat from Mumbai’s collapsing schools.

Rather than trying to parcel out mill lands between themselves, we need politicians willing to take radical steps to decongest the city — like maybe moving themselves to Navi Mumbai.

We need a city administration with the power to oversee and prosecute erring contractors without worrying about their political connections. We need a government that can persuade the Supreme Court to constitute a constitutional bench to relook at its terrible verdict giving sanction to communally-divided housing which is exacerbating the ghettoisation of this city.

We need all this to happen, and since it clearly won’t happen by itself, we need to fight for it, rather than just offering water bottles. Mumbai’s spirit is not in question, but rather than wallowing in it’s clichés, can we live up to the real potential it offers?

Read the full piece here.

The aftermath

It has been almost two days since the first blast. Trains have resumed service, schools have remained open, and people are trying to move on with their lives. For many of them, life will never be the same again. Bombay has historically been regarded as a rough and rude city - a city without a heart, a place where one must fight for every inch of space, much like an embryonic New York. But over the last two days - like the city to which she is often compared - she has shown her softer side through the actions of her people. Long lines at blood banks, free food and water being handed to victims, strangers helping each other regardless of caste or creed - it is a reminder that for all the rough façade, Bombay is at its heart a sensitive, fragile city like any other.

And it is home.

Ten years - indeed ten lifetimes - in New Zealand or anywhere else will never change that, and I know others feel the same. That is why it is so hard to just sit here and write while others need help, yet it is all I can realistically do.

It is impossible to make sense of something like this - such acts are irrational and unjustifiable. It sends a chill down my spine to imagine how coldly the perpetrators must have planned every inch of this 'mission'. From all indications, this was a well-thought out manoeuvre. We don't yet know who did it, but we will find out soon enough. Whoever it is, I wish them a long life full of misery.

We can promise ourselves "We will never forget", as we have in the past, but we will forget - perhaps it is better that we do - and we will move on from this. We shall come back stronger than ever, but will we actually remember the lessons of July 11, 2006? We have forgotten Kashmir, and we have forgotten Delhi. We have long forgotten the Gateway of India bombings, and for all intents and purposes, 1993 was just a bad dream (Pakistan still harbours some of the masterminds behind that attack, most notably Dawood Ibrahim). We must keep our promise this time, and we must ensure there are no murders of innocents in the aftermath. In all likelihood, there will be no more violence. The riots in Bombay in '92/'93 were planned operations, not spontaneous reactions, and certain incendiary parties have shown restraint in similar situations in the past.

And what of justice? No punishment will be severe enough for those responsible. We shall have to find them first.

Blasts in Bombay

Yet another cowardly act has left at least 163 172 179 190 200 people dead in Bombay, following bomb blasts in 7 railway stations - Mahim, Bandra, Matunga, Borivali, Mira Road, Jogeshwari and Khar - last night. There were two bombs in Borivali - one on the train and one in the station. I will update this as soon as I can. The figures are bound to rise, and we can only hope that they are not too high. The pricks attacked during rush hour, so that's all it is - hope. Check out a timeline of the blasts here, and more coverage here, here, and here. The BBC also has pictures up on their website. My condolences to those of you who have lost loved ones in this horrific attack.

More sources: Counter terrorism blog, MetroBlogging Mumbai

11:52 a.m. NZST: Intelligence sources say that Lashkar-e-Taiba and/or Dawood Ibrahim are behind the blasts (Source 1, Source 2). The manner of the attack certainly bears the hallmark of one of these two. I just hope that these events do not cause people to take up arms against innocent minorities, as they have in the past. The Shiv Sena in particular has been very quiet about the incident, and hopefully it will stay that way. Trains resumed operation last night, but the death toll continues to rise.

Gaurav Sabnis wrote:

A friend from the US tells me that the blasts are getting maximum coverage on CNN in USA. It seems like the US has finally woken up to the reality of terrorism in India. I was amused to read a few American bloggers write about the blasts as if terrorism has made a debut in India. They mean well of course. They just don't know that terrorism has been a problem in India for over 2 decades now. This is not Spain or Bali where terrorism just "arrived". We've been nursing the tapeworm in our bellies for ages.

Too right. We have had to deal with terrorism for far too long, from across the border and from home-grown terrorists like Dawood Ibrahim (who is routinely granted sanctuary in Pakistan and the UAE). You can therefore understand why I take the following comments, from Pakistan's Ministry of Foreign Affairs, with a pinch of salt:

"Pakistan strongly condemns the series of bomb blasts on commuter trains in Mumbai, India. This despicable act of terrorism has resulted in the loss of a large number of precious lives.

"The president and prime minister of Pakistan have also strongly condemned this terrorist attack and have expressed condolences over the loss of innocent lives.

"Terrorism is a bane of our times and it must be condemned, rejected and countered effectively and comprehensively."

That is not to say that Pakistan is behind the attacks, but one cannot ignore their role in previous operations aimed at disrupting the Indian Union.


12:15 p.m., NZST: Selma Mirza at MetroBlogging Mumbai has summed it up perfectly for all of us with her message to the terrorists who perpetrated this atrocity:

Whom were you trying to target? The working class men who struggle for an inch of space in local trains? The working women who knit and cut vegetables in trains on their way home? Young, dreamy students discussing exams and love? The babies accompanying their mothers, smiling back at the women around them?

Darkness is fast falling. Its raining like it will not stop. Will the rains wash away the blood? Will tomorrow be a new day. Here's to lost lifes and broken dreams.

12:23 p.m., NZST: With all the news focussing on Bombay, it is easy to forget the grenade attacks in Srinagar six hours earlier. It is likely that both attacks have been carried out by the same organisation. My condolences to the families of the deceased.

The Indian Express reports that the police are drawing up sketches of two suspects, while Ajit Doval - the former director of the Intelligence Bureau - is quoted as saying that over 25 people could be involved in the planning of the blasts, and that the operation was planned abroad.

12:44 p.m., NZST: Manish Vij points to alarming statistics that he posted on Sepia Mutiny last year:

Harper’s magazine, July 2005, reports a horrific statistic: 44% of fatal or wounding terrorist attacks last year took place in India, only 32% in Iraq. Israel isn’t even close, nor Sri Lanka.

Chilling figures. Perhaps there will be more international support for India's battle against terrorism following last night's events. For the past two decades, the international community have turned a blind eye and it is deeply saddening that it takes the deaths of so many to bring people around.

From all reports, Bombayites have once again pulled together and helped each other out in their time of need. BEST ran extra bus services through the night to aid those who had been stranded by the blasts, and the roads seem to have cleared. It may sound like a cliché, but in spite of all the devastation around them, the spirit of Bombayites is as strong as ever.

1:30 p.m., NZST: I'm going to sign off for a while. Please look through this Flickr photoset to see the extent of the damage (link via Global Voices).

I hope the terrorists rot in hell. Jai Hind.

5:00 p.m., NZST: More pictures can be found at the Times of India, Rediff, CNN-IBN and DNA. Suketu Mehta discussed the attacks with readers in the Washington Post.

To those who are keen on comparing 7/11 to 9/11, scroll down to the bottom of this article to get a crash course in what we have had to deal with since the turn of the century. And that's not even the half of it.

Cross-posted on Namita's blog.

Why didn't I think of that?

Genius. Sheer genius. Who needs investment portfolios and bank loans when you have a red paper clip? I have a half-eaten chicken biryani. Anyone got a luxury jet they're not using? All replies on a postcard, please. This offer expires when the biryani does.

Bear with me

My final bit of World Cup nostalgia. Some of my picks for the best goals of World Cup 2006:

Torsten Frings - Germany vs. Costa Rica




Esteban Cambiasso - Argentina vs. Serbia and Montenegro. Perhaps the best of the lot.




Carlos Tevez - Argentina vs. Serbia and Montenegro.




Fernando Torres - Spain vs. Ukraine. Great work by Puyol.




Bakari Kone - Ivory Coast vs. Netherlands.




Zied Jaziri - Tunisia vs. Saudi Arabia.




Joe Cole - England vs. Sweden.




Maxi Rodriguez - Argentina vs. Mexico.




Franck Ribery - France vs. Spain.




And of course, the most memorable moment - the moment that sparked the biggest show of televised man-love since, well, 1982 I guess:




Auf Wiedersehen und danke, Deutschland.

Four more years! Four more years!

No, I haven't come late to the George Bush re-election party. I'm merely lamenting the fact that it'll be four more years until the return of the greatest show on Earth. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable, if curious, four weeks of football. The play was far more open and exciting than it was four years ago, but far fewer goals were scored - thanks in no small part to a cagey second round of matches, and an inordinate number of goalless draws. Having said that, a lot of those supposedly boring draws offered up some real excitement, not least in the match between Sweden and Trinidad and Tobago. What a story that was - tiny Trinidad and Tobago (hey look, it's alliteration!) taking a point off goal-shy Sweden.

Unlike the tournament in Japan and Korea, there weren't any real surprises in the group stage. Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Argentina, Netherlands, England, Brazil and France all qualified, even if the latter three failed to convince along the way. Some of the tournament's most memorable moments came early on - Phillip Lahm and Torsten Frings setting the hosts on their way; Ivan Kaviedes's "Spider-Man" tribute to a teammate who passed away last year, Argentina's spectacular destruction of Serbia and Montenegro (including that breathtaking goal from Esteban Cambiasso); the magnificent football played by the Ivorians, who really should have gone further than they did; Ghana's qualification from Group E in their first ever World Cup, and others that I cannot recall at this moment.

From the second round onwards, it was the story of two legends - Figo and Zidane - contriving to turn back the clock and spur their respective teams toward the ultimate goal. Both ultimately failed, but not for lack of trying, either from them or their equally illustrious teammates. It was a joy to watch them play, completely free of whatever had shackled them in the past. Ultimately, neither of them were destined to lift the trophy above their heads, but their imprint on this World Cup will not be forgotten, whatever the reason. In Figo's case, our final memory of him as an international footballer will be a quick shimmy and a cross to set up Nuno Gomes' goal in the third place playoff. Unfortunately for Zidane, he may be remembered more for that headbutt on Materazzi than for what had preceded it. If that is indeed the case, it would be immensely unfair on a player so vastly gifted and - barring one or two indiscretions - so calm on the field.

In the final analysis, the Italians came up trumps. Champions of the World for the fourth time. While they successfully broke the 3964 trend once and for all, they inadvertently created a template from which subsequent Italian teams can plan their World Cup campaigns. Firstly, Italy need only send a team to the World Cup every twelve years, as that is the frequency with which they have made the final since 1970. Secondly, all major Italian clubs are henceforth advised to fix matches and pay off referees every twelve years. It happened in 1982, and it has happened in 2006. If you're a believer, that's all you have to do.

The awards - I cannot understand the voting system behind some of them. For instance, how can Lukas Podolski be the best young player at the tournament? I'm not doubting his class, but there were at least three players who played better than him - Cristiano Ronaldo, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Philipp Lahm. Portugal, for all their merits, were not even close to being the most entertaining team. Seven goals in seven games and a misfiring lone striker - yeah, exciting stuff. May I suggest, somewhat blasphemously, that particular award should have gone to Germany or Argentina. As for the player of the tournament - Zidane was fantastic...in the last three games. Cannavaro and Pirlo were excellent over the course of the tournament. Surely that must count for something. I'm sure they won't be too chuffed about it though. They have the most important trophy of them all. Let the countdown to South Africa begin.

Some statues are more equal than others

You all probably know about this by now. Shiv Sena continues to run Bombay (sorry...Mumbai. Apologies if my faux pas causes any riots back home) as its own personal playground. A dug-up pitch here, a morcha there, it's all part of the job. The people's crime this time? Throwing mud on the bust of the Supreme Leader's deceased wife. It is ludicrous that such thuggery is allowed to continue in a free, democratic country such as India.

Frankly, the outrage over the defiling of a mere statue is baffling. If a muddy bust deserves this response, what then of the total meltdown of our civic sense? Does anyone think twice before spitting paan on the street, or littering? Who cares about the maintenance of infrastructure, once built? Potholes remain unfilled, decrepit buildings are left to rot. Granted, it is not like this in all parts of Bombay, and it is unfair to generalise, but there is an unmistakable lack of civic sense wherever I go. If a statue warrants this much attention, then surely the defiling of an entire city must deserve at least a quiet protest from these thugs. After all, aren't they here to protect Maratha pride? Or by 'Maratha pride', do they just mean blatant idol worship?

What's worse, some people are trying to justify the actions of the Sena by drawing parallels to the Mohammad cartoons:

When asked if the Sainiks' protest seemed in danger of growing into a full-scale riot, Prakash Mehta, a BJP MLA in Mumbai, replied: "Why should you mind when we protest? The BJP understands the Shiv Sena's feelings. When a cartoon of the Prophet Mohammad was published in another country Muslims hit Indian streets in protest, but you mind our protest against the desecration of Meenatai's statue."

Astounding logic. I guess one extreme reaction justifies another. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a rampage to go on. Someone insulted Manchester United.

What, and let the SS have all the fun?

Single brown labrador, aged 6, seeking companionship....

Dating agencies for dogs. I'm sure Star Wars geeks are wondering when such luxuries will be extended to them. In the meantime, I hope Scooby finds his match.

Watch this space

It's been a while since I last posted, so I thought I'd point to an excellent story on Soccernet that pretty much sums up what I think about the whole Portugal-as-pantomime-villians situation. I do plan to post more often once I run into some free time. The following passage sums up the entire situation far more eloquently than I could ever manage:

Portugal's major crime, of course, is nothing more serious than eliminating England. It is simpler to vilify Ronaldo, and add his name to a list of the reviled that, rightly or wrongly, already includes Urs Meier and Diego Simeone, than accept Rooney's dismissal as a correct decision and pinpoint England's failure at their own feet. Instead, there is an element of hypocrisy in the crusade of the likes of Alan Shearer, himself booked for diving during Euro 2000, against the Portuguese. Many others are jumping on the moral high ground, no matter how shaky its foundations are; frankly, their holier-than-thou attitude stinks.

Firstly, I don't think Ronaldo is to be blamed for Rooney's red card. Anyone who watched the game without their "Cross of St. George" glasses on will tell you that, contrary to reports, he never mimed a card gesture in front of the referee (as if to tell him how to do his job). The vilification that he is bound to receive upon arrival in Manchester is symptomatic of the English public's inability to lose without making excuses. In '86 it was that cheating Argie Maradona, using his hand an all that (just don't mention that second goal to them). In 1990 penalties did them in, so if you really think about it, England scored a moral victory in that World Cup. Let's not talk about 94, but in 1998 it was that stupid boy from Manchester (don't we all hate Manchester United? Let's just pin the blame on those guys) who got himself sent off, so the valiant English defence couldn't hold out against the Argentinian onslaught.....on penalties. Fast-forward four years later, and a 'golden generation' were robbed by those cheating Brazilians, using the laws of physics and such-like to their advantage. To add insult to injury, the same boy from Manchester hurdled a tackle near the opposition penalty area, which lead to them conceding a goal.

This time around, it was a bunch of boys from Manchester who contrived to rob England again. Forget the laughable squad, the archaic tactics, the insipid play, the sycophancy of the manager, the constant excuses and the overall lack of goalscoring opportunities. If there's one thing I know after following football for all these years, it is that the English press love a scapegoat, even more so if that scapegoat plays for a certain Manchester United. As a fan, I say "bring on the hate".

Meanwhile, isn't it fun to see Henry's dives go completely unnoticed by the media, at least compared to the Portuguese incident? One wonders what would have happened if France had knocked England out of the World Cup. Ah, the possibilities....