Thursday, November 09, 2006

99.9% human, 0.1% animal, 100% pure entertainment

In a move that is sure to make conservatives choke on their morning coffees, scientists in Britain are awaiting the approval of a licence that will allow them to create hybrid human-animal embyros for stem cell research. Using human cells and animal eggs, the scientists will attempt to create a hybrid that is "99.9% human, and 0.1% animal". According to the article, the first animals to be used in the research will be cows.

Forget the ethics of the matter - I would love to see a human-cow hybrid. I'd name it Ruminator, and instruct it to use its powers for good, and occasionally evil (but mostly good....with minor bouts of evilness). The lawns will practically mow themselves and we'll never have to rush to the store for milk. It really is win-win, and if anyone tries to insult Ruminator by calling its mum a cow, it can just respond by saying "Yes. Yes she is", and proceeding to lay the smackdown on said offenders for the hell of it.

Unfortunately, none of these embryos will ever make it to the womb. Ruminator, sadly, will remain an unfulfilled dream.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ummm technically (or scientifically) aren't human beings also classified as animals???

Bhavesh said...

We're like Animal 2.0 - all the features of Animal 1.0, with an added God Complex (and I don't mean a desire to play God - I mean misguided beliefs in divine forces :-P )

Anonymous said...

So these scientists want to get paid for DOWNgrading Animal 2.0??

and..LOL fool! you're related to me...i've been known to moo in affection twd my mom, and even involuntarily ribbit bcuz i can't burp like "normal" people. to top it off, i'm a macaca with pure pirattitude. no Ruminator, but i hope this makes you happy :)