West Ham will win the Premiership

If this story is true, you can call off the league right now, because West Ham have just pulled off the two greatest transfers in history. I'll repeat - Carlos Tevez AND Javier Mascherano will join West Ham United on a season-long loan from Corinthians. This is most probably a means for them to show how they'd adapt to the English game without big clubs taking multi-million dollar gambles on them. Both Manchester United and Chelsea have been stung in the past by signing talented South American players who did not adapt to the pace and physicality of the English game - namely Veron, Kléberson and Crespo - so this is a huge opportunity for them to run the rule over these guys over the course of the season. Of course, the disadvantage from United's point of view is that if they perform as everyone expects, Chelsea will probably price everyone out of the market by offering something astronomical. Anyway, I'm going to start planning for next season, because West Ham will win the quadruple.

Story first seen on SoccerLens.

Update: SoccerNet is carrying the story too, so it must be true.

Update 2: Gurpreet writes in to ask why United didn't sign Mascherano and Tevez on loan deals themselves. Simple answer - we missed a trick somewhere, surely. I cannot see any reason why Corinthians would have a problem with loaning them to Manchester United, so this is most probably a massive faux pas on the club's part, especially considering the state of the Hargreaves transfer and our paucity of quality central midfielders.

State of the Game has an interesting conspiracy theory about the whole matter. It may seem like pure speculation at this point, but Roman's links to Corinthians' owners are well-documented, and this may be a way to acclimatise the players to London. Of course, I hope this is untrue, and that United will have a chance to sign them next summer, but the financial power clearly lies with Chelsea these days and they will stop at nothing to get their men, like the John Obi Mikel saga (which ended with Manchester United having to part with a player they had signed legally. Of course, the law goes out the window when Chelsea want a player) and the current Ashley Cole controversy.

Update 3: Wtf? The deals are permanent. Something very strange is happening.

Pluto no longer a planet

Yes, it's true - that beloved little runt is no longer part of the 'cool' group of 'planets'. We've shunted little Pluto down to being a dwarf planet, which is rather harsh. From being the Dilton of the gang, the poor sod is now Urkel. But it's not all bad news for the Outcast From Outer Space, for the good people at the International Astronomical Union have created a whole new bunch of friends for it. It's like Pokémon, only less annoying.

...Pluto will be fine. Thursday's decision to reclassify the former ninth planet signals a newly emerging picture of the solar system in which Pluto is anything but lonely. Until recently astronomers had no idea it was part of a frontier region full of icy leftovers from our solar system's formation. [Link]

It wasn't our fault - we just had no idea it was already surrounded by planetary geeks. Sorry Pluto, our bad. But hey, at least you'll have someone to sit next to at lunch! Sure, they won't be 'fun' like we were, but we can still hang out - we just can't call each other 'BFF's anymore. You understand, right? Tell you what - wanna come play Warcraft over at Jupiter's on Saturday? Awesome. We're gonna party in the Horsehead Nebula afterwards. We'd ask you to come, but...you know.

So far, Pluto has refused to comment on its demotion. Analysts presume any response from the Icy Geekwad will sound nasal, annoying and disappointed, yet accepting of its fate.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an atomic wedgie to plan. Demoting Pluto has its advantages.

Snakes on a **********ing Plane!

As a general rule, the title of a film should tell us a little something about its content. Snakes on a Plane succeeds where Freddy Got Fingered failed - going into the film, you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. That's honest marketing. Add to that the sight of Samuel L. Jackson doing his wide-eyed, loud-mouthed schtick like only he can, and you're in for a classic film in its genre. Not since Killer Klowns From Outer Space has there been a film as ambitious as this, combining the twin terrors of venomous ophidians and air travel with panache. Without having seen the film - it releases in New Zealand today - I can tell you it beats Citizen Kane hands-down. That's the power of a good title.

...and the Reds go marching on

Easy. Oh so easy. United barely broke sweat after the opening 20 minutes, having established a 4-0 lead through Saha, Rooney, Ronaldo and an own goal by Ian Pearce. Rooney slotted home another in the second half just for good measure, and the Red Devils coasted to victory in a newly-expanded Old Trafford. Paul Scholes was the stand-out performer in central midfield, overshadowing even the excellent Rooney and Ronaldo. He seemed to be completely at home as a deep-lying playmaker, and hopefully he will maintain his excellent form through the rest of the season. The prospect of seeing Scholes line up alongside Carrick and/or Hargreaves is an exciting one for United fans, and if Hargreaves does eventually move to Manchester, the central midfield problem should be resolved for at least two seasons. The whole squad worked well as a unit, creating chances almost at a whim.

Evra finally seems to be settling into the team now - he was adventurous getting forward and seems to have added a bit of bulk to his slight frame, which will help him no end in dealing with the physical nature of the English game. O'Shea continued his good form in the central midfield position, but Fulham are hardly the most challenging of opponents in that area, especially when one considers the Steed Malbranque situation. Giggs seemed to relish switching wings constantly with Ronaldo, and was a constant menace to the Fulham defence. Ronaldo, Rooney and Saha were excellent - full of energy and willing to chase everything, they will give nightmares to any defence they face this season.

So it's on to the midweek game against Charlton. United will be without the services of Rooney and Scholes, two of the best players on the park today, and with Carrick out until September 9, they will have to revert to the central midfield pairing of Ryan Giggs and John O'Shea. Charlton have hardly made the most auspicious of starts, losing 3-1 to West Ham at Upton Park, but they will be a different proposition at home, and have traditionally been strong starters. It will be an early test of United's bench strength, and one that they must pass if they are to be considered serious challengers for the Premiership crown.

Here we go...

The first matchday of the English Premiership is underway. Tottenham's loss was perhaps the biggest story of the day, along with Liverpool's controversial leveller against Sheffield United. Tonight, it's Manchester United who kick off their campaign, at home to Fulham. In spite of all the doom and gloom portrayed by the media, I still think United will challenge Chelsea - who play Manchester City later tonight - all the way until the end of the season, as long as the majority of the squad stay fit.

And hey, while you're passing time, waiting for the game to start, check out these videos.

Some of the best goals from last season:



A great comeback. Vintage Reds.



Speaking of great comebacks...

New look

I got pretty tired of the old template (and frankly, it was quite a jarring sight), so I thought I'd change things around a bit. Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you not care anymore?

The Premiership, and United's challenge

The World Cup now seems a distant memory, even though the final took place just over a month ago. Time seems to stretch just that little bit longer when I'm denied my regular dose of football. With the only televised cricket here being the England-Pakistan series (which I frankly couldn't care less about), good sport has been hard to come by. That should all change tonight, with the start of the 2006/07 English Premiership season. Twenty teams will start afresh, with a chance to be crowned champions of England next May.

The off-season has been a peculiar one for Manchester United fans, and certainly a new experience for those accustomed to the big-spending days of the last few years. Only one signing - albeit an expensive one - and perhaps one more to come before the transfer window closes - not a sign of a club desperate to regain the top spot it held for over a decade, or so the tabloids would have you think. Michael Carrick, for all the controversy surrounding his price tag, is an accomplished midfielder and should fit well into the United system. His age is a definite advantage, and he could form the core of the next generation of Manchester United players, with Wayne Rooney, David Jones, Cristiano Ronaldo(?), Giuseppe Rossi, Jonny Evans, Gerard Pique, Kieran Richardson, Ben Foster, Wes Brown and Lee Martin. Of course, it is likely that a couple of the youngsters may fail to make the grade at United, but the majority of them appear to have the skills necessary to succeed at the very highest level. Lee Martin and Jonny Evans have been especially impressive in pre-season, and if they continue that form into their loan spells at Rangers and Royal Antwerp, respectively, they should push for a first-team spot next season.

While the future for United appears bright, it is the lightweight nature of the current squad that is the biggest source of concern. The Red Devils played most of the second half of the season with Ryan Giggs and John O'Shea in central midfield due to the departure of captain Roy Keane and an injury to talismanic playmaker Paul Scholes. Although they acquitted themselves better than expected, it is highly doubtful that the greatest left-winger of his generation and a converted left-back can sustain their form through an entire season in unfamiliar positions. Michael Carrick will be expected to take on the role of deep-lying playmaker, and the return of Paul Scholes will further bolster the centre of the midfield. However, the team still lacks a genuine ball-winner in midfield. The rumoured arrival of either Marcos Senna or the younger Owen Hargreaves should solve that problem, though the team's bench strength is still limited. Perhaps Ferguson will use this season as a chance to blood the very talented David Jones, who is back from loan spells with Preston North End and NEC Nijmegen, and should leapfrog Darren Fletcher and the hapless Liam Miller in the midfielders' pecking order. If he continues to develop as expected, he could be the box-to-box midfielder to replace the erstwhile irreplaceable Roy Keane.

With the departure of Ruud van Nistelrooy to Real Madrid, and no replacement signed, it would appear that Manchester United will struggle to score goals regularly this season, but the team has depth in its strikeforce. Louis Saha, Alan Smith and Ole Solskjaer are a handy frontline to have, although Saha and Solskjaer are injury-prone, and Alan Smith is recovering from a major injury. Wayne Rooney needs no introduction - the wonderkid is already the best player in both his club and national teams, and adds an extra zest to every game. Giuseppe Rossi is a much-vaunted prospect, scoring goals for fun in the reserve league, and this will be the season where he has to step up a level.

It is telling that some of United's best performances last season were when Saha, and not van Nistelrooy, played up front. Ruud van Nistelrooy was, and is still a fantastic player, but he has lost a yard or two of pace, and the lack of service from the wings left him even more isolated up front. With such meagre resources in midfield, United needed a more mobile striker to complement Rooney's hard running, and Saha fit the bill perfectly. Smith's return to action by September should give United more options up front, and as long as two of the five forwards - not to mention Carrick and Scholes, who will have to create chances - stay fit, goals will not be a problem.

With the imminent arrival of Hargreaves, United's midfield should start to look somewhat decent this season. An area of concern in coming seasons will be the two wings - with Ryan Giggs nearing the end of a fantastic career, and Ronaldo not likely to stay beyond the next two seasons, Richardson, Martin and Park will be the only wingers left at the club. Park may be a good squad player, but at the moment does not have the necessary quality to help the club win the Premiership. Richardson is a good left-winger and central midfielder, but needs to add some bulk to his slight frame if he is going to succeed. Lee Martin is a fantastic prospect - perhaps the best of the lot - but he is untried at this level. His loan spell at Rangers will provide an opportunity for manager and fans alike to have a closer look at him.

Chelsea may have the strongest squad in England, but Arsenal, Tottenham, Liverpool and Manchester United have all rebuilt, and this season will most probably be closer than most people expect. Chelsea's midfield seems formidable on paper, but accommodating all those egos may be beyond even José 'The Special One' Mourinho. Tottenham have an exciting young squad that will give some of the best in Europe a run for their money, Arsenal have added Tomáš Rosický to their young and talented midfield, and are unlikely to suffer last season's blip, Liverpool have the best central midfield in England, and Manchester United have finally got a midfield. A five-horse race right until the end may be too much to ask, but every set of supporters from those clubs can realistically expect to be there or thereabouts near the finish. As for me, I can't wait to see Gary Neville lift the trophy above his diminutive head at Old Trafford.

COME ON YOU REDS!

I'm not a NASCAR fan...

But if there were more drivers with names like Tiny Lund, I'd be a convert, if only for the comedic value. Read the rest of the Wikipedia article. I may have a dirty mind, but there has got to be a better way of phrasing some of those sentences. Tiny's relationship with Bumgarner is of particular interest. Do read.


I fear I might have lost half my readership. Then again, one less reader is no biggie.

Media egged on a man to burn himself

How desperate can you get? Encouraging a man to set himself on fire because you're having a slow news day has got to be the lowest of the low. Of course, the journalists who filmed the incident and beamed it all across India denied the charges:

"It's a completely false allegation. It is a ploy by the district police to malign and frame us," said one news television reporter, who preferred to remain unnamed.

You know, maybe their story would have been a little more plausible if they hadn't just stood by idly while a man burnt to death. Oh right, they weren't idle - they filmed the entire episode instead of discouraging him, or attempting to extinguish the flames. After all, what's a human life worth these days?

Vaseline, a screwdriver and a note referring to Al Qaeda

It appears only Macgyver has the skills required to carry out a terrorist operation. As it turns out, the only suspicious items found in the woman's purse were a box of matches and some lotion. Even the Great One would have struggled with such meagre resources...or would he?

South Africa are going home

The South African cricket team have decided to fly home following the August 14 bomb attack in Colombo, in spite of assurances from the cricket board that they would be afforded presidential-level security. It's a puzzling decision, not least because the target of that attack was the Pakistani High Commissioner and his convoy. One also wonders whether the South Africans would have pulled out in a similar situation if they had been touring England, New Zealand or Australia, as Osman Samiuddin at Cricinfo points out. The cricketing world does seem to be firmly divided into two blocs - Asia on one side, and the traditional powers of Australia, England, South Africa and New Zealand on the other (although New Zealand do not have a strong tradition in cricket, it's clear where their loyalties lie). England have in the past expressed concerns about touring India, Australia forfeited their fixtures in Sri Lanka during the 1996 World Cup and New Zealand famously refused to play in Kenya during the 2003 World Cup on the grounds of security concerns. What really surprises me is that the South Africans feel unsafe in Colombo, with tight security and personal guards round the clock, but are more than happy to return to Johannesburg, where walking down the wrong street could get you shot. Just ask Andrew Hall.

Meanwhile, the Indian players, no strangers to the threat of terrorist attacks, will stay in Sri Lanka to contest a three-match series.

Ahmadinejad is a blogger...

...and like a true politician, his recently launched blog is, well, "too busy".

Happy Independence Day

Tomorrow, on August 15, India celebrates the 59th anniversary of her independence from the British Empire. For some, it's a time to pull out the flags and patriotic clothing and yell slogans from the rooftops. For others, it's a chance to make a quick buck out of flags and patriotic clothing. Everyone's happy - we commemorate the setting of the Sun on the British Raj and, in a quintessentially Indian way, make a smart profit.

Somewhere in the back of our thoughts is a speech - a speech with which we have been acquainted since our youngest days, one whose opening utterances remain etched in our memories. But do we truly understand its message? The speech - Tryst With Destiny - was a seminal moment in Indian history, welcoming the dawn of a new era in the subcontinent. We were finally free of the shackles of foreign rule, and from that day on, we made our own history.

Nehru's speech warned us that the struggle had only just begun. Freedom from the British was not an end in itself, but an opportunity for the common Indian to determine his own fate. Facing us were the obstacles of poverty, unemployment, malnourishment and class differences - problems that exist (to varying degrees) till today. One could argue that Nehru's vision never reached fruition.

...the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now. That future is not one of ease or resting but of incessant striving so that we might fulfill the pledges we have so often taken and the One we shall take today. The service of India means the service of the millions who suffer. It means the ending of poverty and ignorance and disease and inequality of opportunity. The ambition of the greatest man of our generation has been to wipe every tear from every eye. That may be beyond us. But as long as there are tears and suffering, so long our work will not be over. And so we have to labour and to work and work hard to give reality to our dreams. Those dreams are for India, but they are also for the world, for all the nations and peoples are too closely knit together today for anyone of them to imagine that it can live apart. Peace has been said to be indivisible; so is freedom, so is prosperity now and so also is disaster in this one world that can no longer be split into isolated fragments. To the people of India, whose representatives we are, we appeal to join us' with faith and confidence in this great adventure. This is no time for petty and destructive criticism, no time for ill-will or blaming others. We have to build the noble mansion of free India where all her children may dwell. [Link]

"The ending of poverty and disease and inequality of opportunity". As I look around me, I cannot see even one of those promises being fulfilled after fifty-nine years of independence. We may have eradicated smallpox, but we now have the largest population of HIV-positive individuals in the world. We have an alarmingly high number of people living below the poverty line (as high as 30%), and inequality of opportunity is a fact of life even today, as the recent debate regarding reservations in tertiary institutions shows. We can blame the British all we want for sucking India dry economically, but fifty-nine years should have been enough to reverse the ill-effects of colonialism. Singapore is a prime example of rapid growth and transition from a third-world city-state to one of the most affluent countries in the world.

That is not to detract from India's achievements in the last 59 years, or to deny the challenges we faced from external factors such as hostile neighbours and cross-border terrorism. We are now a major player in IT, pharmaceuticals and space technology. Our economy - especially our services industry - is growing at a breathtaking rate, and has been doing so ever since the economic reforms introduced in 1991. In fact, the rapid growth and improvement during the 90s should serve as a reminder of the need for more reforms, both socially and economically. Red-tapeism still exists all over India, and is a huge impediment to businesses and land owners. It is something of a paradox that while the economy is booming, the number of jobs available hasn't increased proportionally. Social restrictions exist when there should be none. The news media has regressed from being a worthy source of information to cheap tabloid material - the Times of India is sadly one of the biggest victims to this trend, concentrating on selling advertising space more than reporting on substantial issues. Most politicians today seem more interested in serving their own personal interests than "dedicating themselves in all humility to the service of India" (to paraphrase Nehru).

Nehru's speech should have symbolised the beginning of a struggle - not against a foreign entity that could be readily demonised and resisted, but against our own thoughts and vices. Instead, it signalled an era of complacency. Nehru and his contemporaries made numerous mistakes (most notably the notion of Fabian Socialism), but they were mistakes that many of his time made. Our greatest error was in not recognising these mistakes sooner.

August 15 marks a day when we remember the sacrifices of the freedom fighters, men and women who defied an Empire to claim what was rightfully theirs. It should perhaps also be a day that we imbibe some of that revolutionary spirit to right the wrongs of the past and start over. The 'Tryst With Destiny' was only the beginning, and we owe it to them to finish the job they started. Happy Independence Day. Jai Hind.

The new 50c coin is tiny

I got my hands on the new 50 cent coin a few days back - they weren't kidding when they said it'd be smaller. I almost hooked the bus driver because I thought I was being short-changed. It'll take some getting used to, but I'm not sure I like the idea of such small coins. Personally, I enjoyed having the option of using the old 50c coin as a deadly weapon if the need ever arose. Now all I can hope to do is inflict a somewhat irritating itch on my would-be attackers. These truly are confused times.

One last look at the old 50 cent coin:



The old 50 cent coin again (as seen from space):



Goodbye, old friend (*sniff*).

Raksha Bandhan

Ah, Raksha Bandhan - that great festival where brothers realise how awesome they are, and that their sisters need to be protected from the evils of society. Others have their dreams of romantic unions with some girls shattered forever (I've heard the stories!) by a small, unremarkable piece of string. Of course, God help the fool who so much as hints that any girl needs protection - very soon he'll be asking for protection of his own.

In this day and age, with women deciding they are capable of anything (and don't get me wrong ladies, you are. You can do anything you want. Just don't hurt me), and thinking they don't need us anymore, Raksha Bandhan has become rather business-like - "Eat the sweets, tie the rakhi, give me a crappy gift, keep it moving. I have five other brothers waiting in line, so don't hog my time".

Where's the love? Where's the respect? Where's the ganglord treatment? One of the greatest perks during Raksha Bandhan is the feeling of being a small-time Don handing out favours on his daughter's wedding day. And in a flash, it's all gone. I blame video games MTV, and Baa Baa Black Sheep.

Ranting aside, Happy Raksha Bandhan to you all, but mostly to these very special girls (in order of age):

Ekta
Ranjeeta
Samta
Juily
Vrittika
Disha
Shradha
Divya

Miss you all (except Vrittika - I've seen enough of her :-P).

So I was a little wrong...

Maybe the headline wasn't so misleading after all. Mohun Bagan U15s have been drawn in the same group as Manchester United U15s. Still, the draw was only made yesterday, so I was kind of right too.

The group:

1. Manchester United FC (England)
2. Ferencvárosi TC (Hungary)
3. Athletic Bilbao (Spain)
4. São Paulo FC (Brazil)
5. Mohun Bagan AC

On a personal level, it's the worst possible draw. Mohun Bagan, an Indian club, facing my beloved Red Devils for a chance to progress in the competition. Ah what the hell - come on you Mariners!

It's unlikely that the youngsters will cause any upsets, but the experience of playing at the highest level will be invaluable. Who knows, maybe this is the platform for one or two of them to showcase their talent and sign for a European club. It would be just the shot in the arm that Indian football needs.

Update: Mohun Bagan have lost their opening match 4-1 to Manchester United, after taking an early lead through David Lalrinmuana. They play São Paulo at 4:30 p.m. GMT. Tomorrow, they face Ferencvárosi at 9:30 a.m. and Athletic Bilbao at 3:30 p.m. GMT.

Help is on its way

Anti-stupidity pills. Apparently they improve attentivene....ooh a bird!

Regarding the anger

For those of you who perhaps weren't aware of what Ali was referring to in his previous post, our indoor football team competes in Auckland University's competitive league every Wednesday night. This is our first season in the league, and our first match was a bit of a disaster. The referee seemed to favour the other side, often penalising the slightest bit of contact with a free kick, and sometimes a yellow card to boot. Ali was the biggest victim, first getting a yellow card for 'dissent' and then being sent off for a second bookable offence - a late challenge, though he assures me he got the ball first. I got a yellow card for what was a squeaky clean tackle, as did another one of our teammates. That is not to say that the 1-2 scoreline was unjust, or that we would have won the match - we were outplayed for most of the second half and our passing was shocking. However - and this relates to my previous post on refereeing - it would have been nice to see the referee take charge of the situation by warning players before issuing yellow cards, rather than booking players for their first offence. As players, we realise that we can get out of hand at times - we are only human - but we would appreciate it if the referee showed some patience and allowed the game to flow, rather than blowing his whistle every time a player went down under a challenge. Hard tackles can be fair tackles too.

Anyhow, it's in the past now. Our squad of 10 players is down to 7 for this week, as we have lost two players to tests and Ali's suspended. Here's hoping that we'll get a better referee this time. And for anyone who is keen, come down and watch La Furia (that's us) play Hand of God at 6:30 p.m. in the Rec Centre, followed by SWAt (our mates) vs. Persia (the team that beat us 2-1). We're going to try and win this one for Ali.

That's the end of what I hope will be my only personal post. I'll return to uploading news items and random clips later today.

Anger and a Woman who thinks she is Marilyn Monroe reborn

Well let’s start with the ANGER, im pissed of that my constant asking the refree about fouls is going to cost me and my team as im suspended for the next game. Incompetent refs should be shot, ok mayb not shot but dam there should b somthing done about it. I mean really done about it, not oh we will look at it in a week I think if the ref believes he is wrong then he should be able to go back on his word if he sees it fit. I would hate our team lost because of a mistake on my part especially since I am captian of the team.



Marilyn Monroe reincarnated? This woman believes she is. A Canadian singer? I just think she is trying to get more publicity so maybe if she is lucky she can pull a William Hung.
Btw this video only works on Internet Explorer (dam Microsoft).

"My son's a murderer!"

There's been a lot of anger over the new All Black haka, mostly for the 'throat-slitting' gesture at the climax. Parents everywhere are concerned about their children, who have begun to imitate their heroes at home. The New Zealand Herald reports:

Wellington mother Gaynor Brymer said her 6-year-old son Oliver often used the haka's final gesture, a thumb drawn across the throat, to wind her up. "He clearly means that he's going to slit someone's throat," she said.

Clearly. And how do you propose he will slit someone's throat, Gaynor? Are you providing knives to your six-year-old son? If you are, I don't think the haka should be top of your priorities right now.

Of course, the throat 'slit' actually represents the "drawing of vital energy into the heart and lungs" (link). But clearly, Gaynor (seriously? Gaynor?) seems to think otherwise.

"When my 6-year-old son stands with his eyes ablaze and bulging, drawing his hand slowly across his throat in response to a mild admonishment from his mother, I doubt he is wishing the 'breath of life' upon me," she said.

Yes, a six-year-old wants to kill you - his well-balanced and caring mother, who after six years of stellar parenting, is about to lose her son to a life on the street because of an ambiguous gesture on television. I'm sure the haka was all okay before, with the loud chanting, bulging eyes, and warrior spirit? The All Black versions of the haka are derived from war dances! What do you expect them to do? Braid each other's hair? It's just a dance, and kids are likely to imitate anything and everything, unless their parents decide to do their jobs and teach them the difference between right, wrong and what's likely to land them in prison, where a guy named Big Al uses you as his personal 'toy' (I've heard the stories!). In Gaynor's case, maybe she should have a chat with her son about slitting people's throats, and why it's just a little illegal. Failing that, she should take away his video games. God knows what the kid will do after one game of Grand Theft Auto.

For the curious among you, here's a video of the new haka (you can see the conventional haka here):



By the way, Gaynor - you know it's legal to change your name, right? I'm just saying...

Wayne, Wayne, Wayne....

Sent off again? I can handle that. But in a bloomin' FRIENDLY? Son (I'm old enough to be your father, give or take twenty years), you have to learn to calm down. Great player, but no use to anyone sent off.

In all fairness, that was never a red card. Perhaps a yellow at best, but as Sir Alex Ferguson said after the match, his reputation precedes him these days. Pepe (I'm not being racist - that's his real name) seemed to go down a little easily, but the referee was in a good position to see it and should have called it correctly. Check out the video highlights.



The response has been completely as expected - Rooney and Scholes charged with violent conduct. Violent...conduct. For an accidental elbow and a marginally late tackle. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when did football become so soft that a little physical contact became taboo? Violent conduct is when a guy smashes his studs into your ribs, or when he follows through a shot and smacks the business end of his boot into...well...your 'business end'. Thankfully it appears that the FA are only paying lip-service to this matter, and there will be no further action taken. Of course, two years ago, with David Dein still at the helm, we might have expected 8 month bans for both Rooney and Scholes, but the Big Bad Gooner's off the board.

Good to see Scholes and Solskjaer back in the team. Trademark goals scored by both players, and if they can stay fit, we might see United challenge for the trophy from the outset. Of course, the chances of Solskjaer staying fit throughout the season seem slim. With the imminent signing of Marcos Senna, the midfield looks a little stronger, but we're short on options up front. Saha and Rooney are the first-choice strikers, but if one of them gets injured, it'll be either Smith, Solskjaer (both making comebacks from serious injury) or the untried Rossi. Fully fit, United can win the title. But it's never as simple as that.

Misleading headline #2

The Indian news media is on a roll. I wonder how many 14 year-olds clicked on this, only to be sorely disappointed? For the record, I'm not 14, but I sure as hell am curious. Needless to say, I was sorely disappointed.

And another thing - how come most Indians in the Guinness Book of Records are only there because no one else is stupid enough to never cut their fingernails, stand on one foot for a month (or whatever), or eat fiery red chillies? Kapil Dev was a beacon of hope, until Courtney Walsh decided to burst THAT bubble.

Misleading headlines

Mohun Bagan take on Manchester United! screams HT Sport. Now before you get all excited, it's Mohun Bagan's U15 side competing in the Manchester United Premier Cup. The groups are yet to be drawn, so just how this journalist concluded that the Mariners will be playing United is anyone's guess. They are just as likely to face Bulleen Lions as they are the Red Devils U15s. Anyhow, this tournament will be a great opportunity for the youngsters to show their skills on a major stage and perhaps be earmarked by big European clubs. Of course, their actual chances of winning anything are close to none, but qualification in itself is a major achievement. All the best to Mohun Bagan, and I hope they don't end up being drawn against United, because I might find myself rooting against my beloved Reds for the first time (hey, national pride over all).

Coot-off!

A Daily Show classic. Dagnabbit!

Hello

Hi, I don't blog here. I'm Ali like Muhammad. It helps people remember my name.
Well this being my 1st blog here at Moral Militia, i have a bunch of vids for you to watch and laugh.

Have U ever thot that your roommate was upto something? (NSFW)

As seen on Break.com
Who do u think was more suprised?

I hope America is not our future.

As seen on Break.com

Ever wanted to know wat it is like canceling your AOL subscription?
Click here to find out.

I have no time for originality...

...so instead I'll steal videos from better blogs.

First up, Amit Varma posts this video. Absolutely brilliant commentary on humans.



Next up, it's a video ripped from Sepia Mutiny (I don't steal from small blogs). Film dancing will always be funny. Say it with me...Solla Solla Enna Perumai!

Watch for the "Tara ta ta ta ra ta ta rai" around the 2-minute mark. Pure twitchy goodness. They don't make 'em like they used to.



I stand corrected. Retardation is still a prerequisite for becoming a film hero (link taken from Ultrabrown)

UEFA's new regulations

In light of new regulations to tackle racism and diving, Daryl at the World Cup blog wonders what other regulations could be introduced to ensure football cleans up its act. It's an interesting question, and most certainly worth looking into.

First of all, I fully support these new regulations. Any attempt made by the game's governing bodies to eliminate racism is welcome. What is even more heartening is that none of these new regulations actually affect the way referees manage a game. All of them are post-match regulations, allowing the game's regulators the benefit of multiple replays in order to determine whether a player dived, or a yellow card was unjust, and so on.

On the subject of new rules (and I assume the author means rules that determine how referees run a game), I would rather get rid of some existing rules - more precisely, FIFA's 'recommendations' to referees - than include new ones. Referees are constrained enough as it is. They are denied technological backup to aid their decision-making, and must therefore make split-second decisions that they might be crucified for later (see Urs Meier in 2004, and Graham Poll in Germany). It is hardly the easiest of jobs, and has only been made worse by FIFA's almost schizophrenic rulings. Consider this - diving, or 'simulation' as FIFA now calls it - is expected to result in an automatic yellow card and a fine for the player involved (the footballing equivalent of being grounded for ten minutes by your over-indulgent parents...but no loud music). Fair enough, no one likes cheats, and diving is cheating. It's not so clear-cut when you also consider that a referee is expected to book players for 'lunges', tackles from behind, and practically any contact that was not made with the ball. Now, in a perfect world, these rules would be...perfect. There would be no more diving, and all tackles would be clean. Unfortunately, referees are more confused than ever about what constitutes a dive. What could be a dive to one referee could also be a late tackle (albeit with minimal contact) to another. Players continue to go down at the slightest of touches, in greater numbers than before if you believe the reports. Clearly the rules are not working, and it is immediately apparent why. As the tolerance level for tackling has been driven lower by the authorities, the line between a foul and a dive has blurred. If you have a higher tolerance for...ahem...spirited tackling, not only will it be relatively easier to figure out who the divers are, but those that do dive and get away with it will now be going down under far more substantial contact. Granted, some shocking decisions will be made - referees are only human - but on the whole, by relaxing the rules on tackling and allowing referees the freedom to run matches as they see fit, we might end up seeing the sort of football that we all crave, minus the divers. This does not mean that I want the game to return to the bad old days of studs smashing into ribs and so on, but such a scenario is never likely to happen if referees are just allowed to call the game as they see it. Micro-managing the game is the worst thing the administrators could possibly do, and unfortunately they did it right before the World Cup.

In short, any new regulations regarding analysis of past matches are welcome. It ensures justice in the long run for all teams, even though in the short term, individual sides may feel hard done by some refereeing decisions. Any attempt to increase the referee's workload during a match would be disastrous, unless FIFA agrees to use video or microchip technologies to aid the officials.

New blog member

Technically, this blog has been a co-operative effort for around a month or so now, if you ignore the fact that the other guy hasn't posted here yet. Only a minor technicality I'm sure, and I shall do him the honour of a formal introduction. So, ladies and gentlemen (if there are that many people actually reading this), allow me to present...Allthamoves (not his real name). Now hopefully this introduction will inspire him to get off his lazy ass and actually write something here, but I wouldn't hold my breath. If he does start posting, though, this blog might finally see something truly funny/substantial. Till then, you'll have to put up with my inane ramblings on stuff I find on random websites.

I'm not forcing you to be here. Go on, redirect your browser. I dare ya.

Oh.

I'll get my coat.

Jehovah's Witnesses make inroads

And what if her dogs really were fed on Jehovah's Witnesses? I'd imagine the world would be a lot more peaceful. The news article states:

"We were informed by a member of the public who found the sign to be distressing, offensive and inappropriate," a police spokesman said.

Funny that. It seems perfectly okay to knock on people's doors, deride their way of life, claim that their religion is setting them on the course to hell and call them demon-worshippers (true story), but it's clearly the sign that is 'offensive and inappropriate'.

Now that signs are illegal, I've developed new ways to keep Jehovah's Witnesses (and others of their ilk - Mormons, Hare Krishnas, etc.) away:

1. Answer the door in your underwear (probably not recommended)

2. If they ask "Have you found Jesus?", answer "You lost him AGAIN? I don't pay you to play hide and seek!"

3. Alternatively, you can say "Yeah, he's upstairs. Turns out he was totally off about being the Son of God and all that. They're only distantly related." (see note below)

4. Tell them you'll convert to their religion if they'll convert to yours (hey it makes just as much sense as the other way around).

5. Answer the door with a shotgun, loaded or unloaded (preferably loaded. Fire a shot in the air and act a little crazy - this one's been personally tested)

Note: The above was meant as a (characteristically poor) joke. I have nothing against Christianity and Christians in particular - just religious nuts of any denomination, be they Hindu, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, or anything else. At the end of the day, no one can even prove God's existence - the 'just look at the wonders of nature' argument doesn't hold water with me - let alone pass judgement on others' religious beliefs. Jehovah's Witnesses are only one of many religious organisations around the world trying to forcibly push their message onto the masses, without regard or respect for existing beliefs, and I cannot respect proselytisers and religious nuts of any form, and I honestly don't care which version of 'God' they claim to represent.